Robbing a bank is bad. It’s bad. Don’t do it. But I won’t deny that the movies make it look kind of cool. Well, not the robbery part, but the part where the robbers storm into the bank in coordinated disguises.
You can’t deny it either! It is a truth universally acknowledged that one of the coolest things that can happen in a heist movie is a bunch of bad guys bursting into a bank in a clever group costume. The possibilities are endless, and largely untapped (probably due to copyright reasons). Can you imagine if four bank robbers slammed open the front doors of a grand marble lobby wearing brightly-colored, padded plush suits, fired a machine gun into the ceiling, and screamed “Listen up! We’re the Teletubbies! Put your hands over your head and get down on the ground.” You know?
If you’ve ever read anything I’ve ever written, you’ll know that I love “disguise” as a concept. So, today I’m going to lean into that, full-force. This list is a ranking of movie bank robbery disguises, ranked in order of “coolest.”
Now, a lot of crime movies involve the old “panty hose over the face” trick. I’m acknowledging this, but not ranking films that do it. I’m honoring bank robbers who put in effort. I’m not here to applaud the slapdash, last-minute burglars, but the strategizing geniuses with “theater kid” energy.
Okay everyone… let’s roll.
11. Hockey Masks, Heat (1995)
Heat is one of the greatest crime movies ever made, and probably contributing to this is that its bank robbers are not silly or precious about it. They wear different-colored hockey masks. Which is fine. It’s fine. Last place, though.
10. Sunglasses and Scarves, Inside Man (2001)
Inside Man is a combination lock of a heist movie; lots of gears and mechanisms clicking into place behind the scenes. For a while, it seems like the heist crew has relatively unimaginative heist costumes. They are dressed as painters, with orange construction vests, and thin cloth mouth coverings and sunglasses. But it becomes clear that the exact nature of the disguise is essential to the heist, itself. Also, a fun thing is that all the robbers go by a variation on the name “Steve.” “Stevie, Steve-o,” you get it. I do like it, but I kind of wish it had a little extra oomph.
9. The Austin Powerses, Baby Driver (2017)
Man, oh man, Baby Driver. A movie with a complicated legacy! But we’re not going to get into that. I want to highlight one of the funniest scenes in that film: when a member of the heist crew produces a bunch of Austin Powers masks for the heist, misunderstanding the direction to get “Michael Myers” masks. “That’s what you said, Mike Myers.” “No, Michael Myers!” Shagadellic, baby.
8. Clowns, The Dark Knight (2008)
There are a lot of clowns in bank robbery movies. Quick Change… The Killing… but in The Dark Knight, the Joker’s heist crew all don particularly grotesque clown masks that all look like variations on the Joker’s own face. Sad clowns. Even sadder than Bill Murray in Quick Change. Out of all the heists on this list, this is probably the one that’s scariest to me.
7. The Santa Clauses, Reindeer Games (2000)
John Frankenheimer’s Christmas-set heist movie features bank robbers in disguise as Santa Claus. Which really cements their place on the naughty list, for sure.
6. The Elvises, 3000 Miles to Graceland (2001)
No one has seen 3000 Miles to Graceland but it’s their loss, because it means they miss out on seeing Kurt Russell and Kevin Costner dress up in late-career Vegas Elvis outfits and rob a bank. Technically there are no masks at work, but the Elvis costumes perform that function, mostly, so I’m counting it.
5. Betty Dolls, Sugar & Spice (2001)
Sugar & Spice is a hilarious movie about a high-school cheerleader who becomes pregnant and turns to a life of crime to support herself. She enlists her cheer squad to rob banks, and they all don identical Betty Doll masks to do it. Hysterical, brilliant.
4. Nuns, The Town (2010)
Affleck again! The Town is set in the notoriously-Catholic Boston, so it’s even funnier that Ben Affleck’s bank robber gang all dresses up like nuns to commit their crimes. Let us pray.
3. Mimes, Dead Presidents (1995)
Dead Presidents is a comparatively little-seen film, but it features one of the best (and scariest) heist crew disguises: mimes!
2. Bedazzled Venetian Masks, Killing Zoe (1993)
The masks in the bank heist scene of Roger Avary’s Killing Zoe are glittery, colorful Carnivale masks, with each crew member getting a different shape. Very smart, since the movie is a whole Mardi Gras (as a unit of measurement) of excess.
1. Ex-Presidents, Point Break (1991)
Last but not least, Point Break! The Ex-Presidents, a gang of surfer-bank robbers who wear masks of different 20th century presidents, are the best coordinated costume of all these bank robbers. The state of the union is… TIGHT! The theme is perfect: everyone has their own identity but they’re still a coordinated bloc. And there’s so much going on, here. Hilarious showmanship, capitalist commentary… And when the Nixon one gets to go “I am not a crook” during the robbery? Amazing. The buck stops here.
