Okay, friends. It’s a short week, so here’s a little something different for you all… something you can bring with you on vacation or your staycation or wherever else you might be going.
Our trivia-quizzes have proven so popular that we’re going to take things to the next level, in terms of gamesmanship: this is a choose your own adventure story. Except, the way we do it, it’s part game, part quiz, part mad-libs. Oh, and this is our noir edition.
The Rules:
You’re going to need a six-sided die or a random number generator that goes from 1-6. Like this one (which you can use):
We’re going to follow standard board game rules. Roll a number from 1-6, but instead of counting the number of spaces on a board, you’re going to take that number’s corresponding narrative element and add it to your story. Then you’ll roll again and add the next element, and so on and so forth.
Whenever you see a pair of brackets like this [ ] , that means I’m asking you to fill in the details based on personal information, or the first thing that pops into your head, or a synonym for something. Kind of like MAD LIBS!
Got it? Okay, here we go.
Paratextual Matter
Your title is…
1 = The [your favorite color] Hours
2 = Goodbye [general nickname for “a woman”]
3 = The Big [emotion]
4 = The [your favorite color]-Eyed Woman
5 = The [sound a dog makes]+ing Man
6 = The [synonym for “sleeping”] Jury
by…
1 = Tom [pick a number between 26 and 30 and then find that number’s corresponding chemical on the Periodic Table of Elements]
2 = Mick [first syllable of the brand of car you drive]
3 = Mike [one of the five senses]+er
4 = Roy [kitchen appliance of your choice]
5 = Rick [color that a rock can be]+it
6 = Sam [part of a boat]
Preliminary Research: What Kind of Detective Are You?
You’re a(n)…
1 = Writer of cheap detective fiction
2 = Private eye
3 = Handy drifter
4 = Ex-police detective
5 = Assistant district attorney
6 = Insurance investigator
…with a…
1 = Cigar in your mouth
2 = Drinking problem
3 = Stranger on your tail
4 = Tomboyish secretary
5 = Dead partner
6 = Hangover, but not from booze… from women
…and your name is…
1 = [the initials of your first and last name] Thresher
2 = Jack [the last power or hand tool you used]
3 = [last name of your childhood celebrity crush]
4 = The [name of your neighborhood] Operative
5 = Mac [material that your house/building is made out of]
6 = “Don’t worry about it, doll”
…and you’re based in…
1 = New York City.
2 = Los Angeles.
3 = San Francisco.
4 = Miami.
5 = Vienna, Austria, but you’re from the Midwest, originally.
6 = A small town where the people are as dirty as the money.
Part One: The Case
You’re approached by a…
1 = Distraught widow
2 = Furious mobster
3 = Frantic gambler
4 = Treacherous young woman
5 = Wheelchair-bound tycoon
6 = The husband of the woman you’re sleeping with, only he doesn’t know that
…to help find…
1 = An elusive statue
2 = Their wayward younger sister
3 = Their missing spouse
4 = An informant, gone underground
5 = Salacious photograph negatives
6 = A dangerous fugitive
…but you’re stopped by
1 = An idiot cop who beats you up.
2 = Two idiot cops who beat you up.
3 = Three idiot cops who beat you up.
4 = Four idiot cops who beat you up.
5 = Five idiot cops who beat you up.
6 = A stranger shooting at you from behind, but they run away before you can see who it is.
Part Two: The Investigation
While following up a lead at…
1 = A nearby bar
2 = A nearby club
3 = A nearby restaurant
4 = A nearby hotel
5 = A nearby casino
6 = The docks
…you run into an old friend named…
1 = [your favorite peanut butter brand] MacGee
2 = [your favorite animal] Rodgers
3 = Howard Mc[+the phonetic spelling of the sound you make when you, personally, sneeze]
4 = [the first bird species that pops into your head]
5 = Herbert [the garment you are wearing on the lower half of your body]
6 = Rocks [pick a city in Germany]
…who you know from…
1 = The war
2 = The other war
3 = Growing up
4 = Back home
5 = Rumrunning
6 = Serving time
…and he offers to help you by…
1 = Asking around on your behalf.
2 = Buying you a few drinks.
3 = Selling you some interesting information.
4 = Tailing your suspect.
5 = Driving you from place to place.
6 = Shooting your enemies dead.
After he leaves, you’re confronted by a beautiful woman who tells you to investigate
1 = The owner of a local club.
2 = The DA, himself.
3 = The person who hired you.
4 = Your helpful friend who just left.
5 = Two strange characters she saw arguing earlier.
6 = Under her dress.
After you do that, you head to your office and find…
1 = It has been ransacked.
2 = Your secretary, working late and dreaming of you.
3 = A threatening message tacked to your door.
4 = One corpulent man and one very small man, who have been waiting to speak with you all night.
5 = The city’s dumbest cop, waiting to beat you up.
6 = A new client, with a case that might not be as unrelated as you once thought.
On your way out, you…
1 = Are chased down the stairs by a mysterious figure
2 = See someone you think you know and chase him until you lose him in the sewers
3 = Discover the answer you’ll need is at the public library
4 = Are picked up by two gangsters and taken for a car ride
5 = Decide you need another drink
6 = Are hit over the head with the butt of a handgun and black out
…and that’s when you realize…
1 = There never was anything missing, after all.
2 = This is a cover-up by corrupt local officials.
3 = You’ve been set up to take the fall for the crime you’re investigating.
4 = The beautiful woman you met earlier was behind everything all along.
5 = Your old friend was behind everything all along.
6 = Even though you know who did it, no one will ever listen to you.
