One of the bright spots of the past year has been the ability to travel virtually via the books that we read. So what a joy it was to travel from the comfort of my own couch to the world of diplomats (and their local associates) in Embassy Wife by Katie Crouch. I became obsessed with Katie’s focus on parenting and relationships and how they are complicated by being in a wildly new setting. How children become surly, how spouses become resentful, how new friendships are made. All of these things are happening in such hilarious relief in Embassy Wife. I was dying to catch up with Katie—we worked together many years ago—about so many things that we now have in common—being novelists, being older moms and being connected with the world of diplomats without actually being diplomats! (My uncle was in the foreign service and Katie moved to Namibia when her husband had a Fulbright there.)
Miriam Parker: You and I met long ago when your first book Girls in Trucks came out and I was a book marketer. You’re still a writer and I’m still in publishing, but now you’re writing about Namibia. What have you been up to in the past 15 years?
Katie Crouch: I remember! And now you’re a novelist yourself! I loved The Shortest Way Home. I seriously don’t know how you do it all.
Anyway…that’s a pretty huge question. I’ve been aging! And having children and writing books. My books are usually about places I’ve lived…Charleston, San Francisco, Italy. My family lived in Namibia for two years, so Embassy Wife is set in that gorgeous and wild country. It just happened that way.
MP: You say the only thing true in your book Embassy Wife is that our former president called the entire continent a shithole. What did it feel like to live there then? And, as a very loose corollary, how did you make up the rest of the story?
KC: All of my novels start with a question I’m trying to answer myself philosophically. I’m not trying to sound brainy when I say that; it’s just what happens. I usually don’t even know what the question is until I’m done. (See? Not brainy.)
We moved to Windhoek on Trump’s inauguration day. Many Namibians we met assumed we loved Trump, and that his values were our values. It doesn’t matter what your politics are; when you leave the U.S., you are inextricably linked to whomever is running your country. How do I separate myself from this? I kept wondering. How do my new diplomat friends represent themselves here as American when he’s blatantly insulting the continent we’re living in? I started to get really down about being an expatriate from a nation with universally offensive government, but when I get depressed, I turn to humor. So I started writing down what was funny, and following my embassy friends around, watching the intricacies of State Department life.
How did I make up the story? This might be handy for future novelists. (I teach creative writing, so I’m always looking for something concrete to say about that.) Here’s what I do.
First, I find a way in—something that really turns me on about the book. For Embassy Wife, it was Persephone’s voice and the contrast of American expats and the Namibian desert. It can be voice, world building (Tolkien), a historical event (Colson Whitehead.) Once I have that, I look for a plot to hang the good stuff on. Really—I imagine that I have some gorgeous shiny material, and I’m putting it on a mannequin so that it’s recognizable as a dress. For this, it was: The husband has a secret, and we will go with him to find out what it is. That’s it. I’m not into outlining, but I think one threat of: what’s going to happen with…can take you a long way. Gatsby: Will Daisy take him back? The Sun Also Rises: Will Brett and Jake end up together? Mrs. Bridge: Will she be any more open to the world by the end of the book, or will the world just change around her? One what’s-going-to-happen question. Write it big and put it on the wall and go for it.
MP: This book is at its core about long term relationships and how they evolve. How do you feel about that now having been through a pandemic together?
KC: Let’s just say all of my long-term relationships have evolved past comfort. Time for us to get out and hug some strangers.
Long-term relationships recur as a theme in my novels. It’s a quagmire of mine. Why do we behave the worst towards the people we love the most? I don’t know. Neither do my characters. Let’s figure it out.
MP: I also come from a family that is connected to the foreign service and some of my favorite parts of the book were the details etiquette for diplomats and their “trailing spouses”. Tell me more about that element.
KC: Let me level with you about professional trailing spouses: they are seriously impressive. They can move to a completely foreign environment, set up anywhere, make a comfortable home for their families, establish a community, and assimilate in a week. That’s not easy. I thought it would be, but I got to Namibia with my six-week old baby and my seven year-old daughter and I basically decompensated. It was blazing hot, and everything was closed, and the baby was hungry and my oldest was homesick and wanted cereal.
OK, I reasoned. Sure. Where is the store? Is there a store? There is one open store, I was told. But, Miss, you have to find someone to drive you. Miss, do not take a taxi. Bad things happen in taxis. Josef can give you a ride now-now. (Which meant, in that case, tomorrow.) Then everything in the store is different than home, which is super cool when you’re backpacking at twenty-five and trying new Italian cookies, but when you’re a sweaty mom who wants her kid to stop crying…well, you get it.
So trailing spouses really rely on each other, to get the right doctor’s names and visa info and rides to school. It’s very old-fashioned. But the community is small, which means things gets gossipy and tense. And the State Department is very hierarchical, which plays out in very tangible ways that a novelist like myself could not let go.
Oh! And don’t even get me started on the term “Trailing Spouse”. It makes us sound like snails, leaving behind tracks of mucus in our wakes. Which is kind of, on some days, what it feels like.
MP: Your husband Peter is also a writer, what is it like being married to someone in the same profession?
KC: Terrific!!!
(Hi, honey!)
It has its challenges. For one thing, there is nowhere to eat because the table is covered in books. We are both spacey because writing does that, and we forget dentist appointments and tax deadlines. And we would rather be writing than doing anything else, which is a drag for our kids.
Writers are very hard to live with, I think, so perhaps living together is our only chance of mutual acceptance. But Peter is great. He’s super cute and he cleans the kitchen every night so I can go to bed early. You know, I think I’m starting to sound like a Raymond Carver story where the husband disparages the wife by saying a bunch of lackluster things. The bottom line is I love living with Peter, because being with one of the best short story writers in the world is inspiring and thrilling. It’s also very handy if you really like to read.
MP: Your main character Amanda is a later-in-life mom, as I believe we both are, with a career, how has being an “older” mom influenced you as a writer?
KC: Miriam, I did not know you were a later-in-life mom. Let’s talk about that, please? Because trying to schmooze with other moms in the class who were born when you were voting for Bill Clinton is a singular experience.
My early books are very earnest and sad. I found young love cripplingly tragic, and I was also dealing with some trauma that took decades to shake. I really like Girls in Trucks…I hadn’t actually read in in years and I had to look at it the other day for something. It’s good! But I could never write that now.
My writing voice is veering much more towards the humorous as I slide in towards fifty. The more I learn, the less seriously I take myself, I guess. I just want to connect with readers emotionally and have a good time.
MP: So much to discuss! I already have the feeling that we could ALSO be the parents of the other parents at Nora’s daycare! I guess I also have to take that less seriously. Speaking of which, what have you learned about life in the past year that will influence your future? What will you never do again?
KC: I learned that no matter what, I must make enough money for my daughter’s tutor, so I can outsource math.
Also: People are terrific. I miss you. Let’s finish this COVID thing and go have some coffee and talk.
MP: I can’t wait!
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