You never know what’s going to make an impression. You can’t control everything that comes at you and what it will do to your creative process. There you are, just living life, growing up, and all the while your conscious and subconscious are grabbing onto things and conspiring to turn you into the type of person who maybe likes mysteries, or thrillers. What about those wonderful and tortured detective stories?
I’m have no doubt that my love for everything mystery was sparked not only by my love of reading, but also by the films I watched when I was a child; grown-up movies with moments I remember and think about to this day. As if I just met them last week, I can still picture my first times watching Scout, Sam Spade, poor tortured second Mrs. de Winter, and so many others. Those grown-up films were old movies by the time I saw them, but for many years I had no idea they’d come from a different time.
For the first sixteen years of my life, I watched them when I visited my grandparents’ small Ozark home. I slept on the couch in the living room with the boxy console television set in the corner. All the adults went to bed early, and one night I found the all-night movie channel. I was lost to it forever. So, after everyone else was supposedly fast asleep, I would pop the top off a cold bottle of Coke and lose myself in the movies. I can’t remember how old I was when I finally understood they weren’t contemporary films, but I remember being a little heartbroken when I realized the movie stars no longer looked exactly like they did when I’d first saw them. Still, my kid heart will always hold onto some special moments, moments that must have been fraught with a tension that a child would notice when an adult might not.
My top ten favorite kid-self old movie scenes:
10. The Birds
Not surprisingly, there’s lots of Hitchcock on the list. Anyway, I took a college class about him and his films, which changed the way I “see” them, but my kid self was terrified by the scene when the birds are maniacally trying to break into the phone booth —yeah, terrifying, but in the best way possible. A real phone booth phobia resulted.
9. North by Northwest
Long before Stephen King ruined corn crops for me, North by Northwest did the job. The scene with Cary Grant being chased by the plane as he hides amid the old, brown stalks scared me off corn mazes everywhere, forever. Imagine my distress when my family moved to Iowa when I was twelve.
8. Sunset Boulevard
Gloria Swanson was spectacular as Norma Desmond. I can’t tell you how many times over my life I have said, “I’m ready for my close-up, Mr. Demille.” I feel like I knew her well.
7. Wait Until Dark
I was so intrigued by Audrey Hepburn’s performance that this is my favorite of all her wonderful films. I was certain she couldn’t see—in real life. I was adamant about it, in fact; stomping my feet adamant at one point. It took Breakfast at Tiffany’s to otherwise convince my stubborn mind.
6. The Third Man
Writer Holly Martins, played by Joseph Cotton, goes to Vienna to find a childhood friend, and everything goes crazy from there. I probably already wanted to be a writer by the time I saw it, but it sure seemed like writers lived exciting lives. I still want to go to Vienna.
5. Maltese Falcon
Honestly, this was all about Bogie. More than any other of his films, this one solidified the definition of the quintessential detective. Until I met Kinsey Millhone many years later, this was the only detective my mind could conjure. I wish I could see this film for the first time again.
4. Rear Window
The voyeurism seemed so wrong and yet so right when it was Jimmy Stewart doing it. He should never have been looking in those windows, but there he was, and there I was, cheering him on.
Grace Kelly was . . . grace personified. When her character, Lisa, shows Jeff how she managed to pack a whole overnight bag in her small purse, I swooned a little, even if I didn’t understand what I was swooning about. It just resonated.
Also, Jimmy Stewart. I was going to marry him, I was sure.
3. Laura
Though no Bogie, Dana Andrews played a pretty awesome detective. However, it was the twist in this movie that changed the way I saw all stories. After Laura, I started looking for twists or where they could be inserted.
2. Rebecca
Apologies for what I’m about to say—I have never read this book. I can’t bring myself to do it. I can’t imagine seeing this story as anything other than the film starring Laurence Olivier and Joan Fontaine.
Despite Olivier’s wonderful portrayal of Maxim de Winter, this one was about the women for me. I think I spent some time obsessed with Ms. Fontaine’s portrayal of “the second Mrs. de Winter.” Oh, how her world was built up so beautifully and then torn apart, almost completely. I thought she was brilliant. I thought the story was brilliant.
How about Judith Anderson as Mrs. Danvers? What a wicked piece of work she was. I pounded my fist, wondering how she got away with such evilness. I decided she probably got her due.
However, I thought the real star of the film was Rebecca, the woman we never saw but somehow met through all the other characters. She’s the one I’ve thought about more than the others. What was she really like? What did she look like?
1. To Kill a Mockingbird (my favorite film of all time)
That’s not unique, I know, but as I already mentioned, I remember the first moment I met Scout—and the others, but it was Scout whose personality spoke to me.
Who doesn’t love this movie? I was pulled into the story because of the kids and their friendship. I can’t forget Boo Radley; is there a better name in all of storyland? The two scenes that made the biggest impression on my young mind were the one with the rabid dog and the one when Scout, dressed as a ham, is running through the woods. Oh, those scenes terrified me in all the best ways. Yes, the dog was vicious, but it was so horrible when it was shot. I remember the tears I shed. Couldn’t they have given it some medicine? And then that ham costume. I have no doubt that any claustrophobia I have comes directly from watching Scout run through the woods inside that unwieldy ham. I still shiver at the thought.
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I saw so many movies those late nights. I’m sure the adults knew what I was doing, but I’m grateful that no one tried to stop me. The movies helped shape me, shape my writing, and entertain me for hours. In fact, they still entertain me. I still watch old movies, and always will. And I will always be adamant that they were best seen on that old console television in the corner of my grandparents’ living room.
