The first time I publicly wrote about my masochism, I was fully prepared to be shamed by strangers. It wouldn’t have been the first time, after all. What I got instead were private messages thanking me for being open about my experiences and a barrage of questions about the best ways to safely enjoy pain.
If I’ve learned anything about life, it’s that most of us have a darker side, whether or not we show it to the world. It was a huge driving force behind my debut Walking Through Needles (June 29, 2021, Polis Books), which delves into many types of dark desires.
Tapping into those darker needs isn’t always easy (or legal) for people to do, which is the beauty of books. Through books, we can murder the bad guys without consequence and get entangled in illicit love affairs. I mean, how many of us had our first sexual fantasies with a V.C. Andrews book tucked under our pillow?
Books allow us to push our normal boundaries within the safety of our minds.
The following eight books are not all within the crime genre, but they all focus on those darkest guilty pleasures we love to devour.
Hurts So Good: The Science and Culture of Pain on Purpose by Leigh Cowart
(September 14, 2021, PublicAffairs)
Leigh Cowart, an academic-turned-journalist, knows all about pain. As a self-described masochist, they relate their own experiences as they explore all the ways people from around the world seek out pain on purpose. Through conversations with fellow scientists, psychologists, and people who seek out pain—ballerinas, sideshow performers, ultramarathoners, icy water bathers, to name a few—Cowart reveals how our bodies and minds can find relief in the sweet agony.
The End of Everything by Megan Abbott
In Abbott’s first venture into the fierce world of teen girls, she perfectly captures the trapped feelings of 13-year-old Lizzie Hood as she pursues the truth of her best friend’s disappearance. Steeped in voyeurism, fear, longing, and disillusion, Abbott allows us to relive those turbulent teen years as Lizzie realizes the desire to look in places you’re not supposed to can lead to even darker revelations about the people you idolize.
My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell
Russell pulls no punches in her 2020 debut about precocious 15-year-old Vanessa Wye and her volatile relationship with her charming and manipulative 42-year-old English teacher Jacob Strane. Alternating between Vanessa’s present and past, Russell’s uncompromising book raises important questions about consent, agency, and complicity in the Me Too era when Vanessa must examine her relationship with Strane after a former student accuses him of sexual abuse.
Bath Haus by P.J. Vernon
In Vernon’s second novel, one bad decision based on desire spins into a straight-up bananas twist-fest. Recovering addict Oliver Park has everything he’s wanted—a sober life far away from the Midwest where he grew up and a loving relationship with Nathan, an older, prominent DC trauma surgeon. When Oliver visits Haus, a gay bathhouse, he barely escapes alive when a sexual encounter with a hot Norwegian spirals out of his control. As Oliver repeatedly lies to hide his horrifying tryst, the story quickly shifts from titillating to terrifying with an end you will not see coming.
My Cousin Rachel by Daphne Du Maurier
In this classic gothic mystery, desire and paranoia entwine as young Philip Ashley grieves the mysterious death of his older cousin Ambrose, who raised an orphaned Philip as his own. When Ambrose’s beautiful, passionate widow Rachel enters the Ambrose estate, Philip’s suspicions about his beloved cousin’s death increase even as he finds himself beguiled by Rachel’s charms. The more he learns about Rachel’s enigmatic past, the more he falls into a web of desire threatening to destroy his sanity as he searches for the truth of his cousin’s death.
Cottonmouths by Kelly J. Ford
In Ford’s atmospheric debut novel, Emily Skinner fails out of college, forcing her back to her small Arkansas hometown, a place holding few good memories outside of Emily’s former best friend and childhood crush, Jody. Now with a baby in tow, Jody also returns to the small town, reigniting Emily’s unrequited love. After Emily stumbles upon a meth lab on Jody’s property and later learns Jody’s business partner has gone missing, Emily dismisses her own worries until a brutal betrayal makes her ask how much she’s willing to risk for someone who may never love her back.
Razorblade Tears by S.A. Cosby
(July 6, 2021, Flatiron Books)
In Cosby’s follow-up novel to his smash hit Blacktop Wasteland, ex-con Ike Randolph knows a lot about the dark desires surrounding a criminal life. He also knows cops coming to his door is never a good thing for a Black man, and he soon learns his son Isiah has been murdered along with his white husband, Derek. When Ike joins forces with Derek’s father, Buddy Lee, another ex-con, the two confront their own prejudices about their gay sons and with each other as they wreak brutal vengeance upon those responsible for murdering their boys. With moments of tenderness that will rip your heart out, this book is as much about giving into the dark desire of revenge as it is about the hope of redemption.
They Never Learn by Layne Fargo
Fargo’s second novel takes the desire for revenge to the next level. When exceptional English professor Scarlett Clark isn’t teaching, she’s planning the murder of her next victim: the worst men Gorman University has to offer. All goes as planned until the university starts investigating the growing number of deaths, just as Scarlett’s planning her biggest kill yet. Meanwhile, Gorman student Carly Schiller becomes intensely close to her new roommate Allison, the intensity turning into fantasies of retribution when Allison is sexually assaulted at a party. With Fargo’s propulsive writing, you will not see the twists coming in this sexy thriller dripping with rage and humor.
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