A decade or so ago I got up the wrong way from my desk and ended up pulling a muscle in my back, which triggered a series of killer and unrelenting spasms. A friend recommended a fantastic osteopath, who examined me, took X-rays, and during the consultation in his office suggested a round of physical therapy.
The P. T. sessions completely eliminated the pain. But what had the most enduring effect on me was something the doctor said during the consultation. It unsettled me for days and I’ve never forgotten it.
“So tell me about your accident,” he said, his expression sober. “That’s probably the reason your back is vulnerable.”
“What accident?” I asked. I had no idea what he was talking about.
“The one you had when you were a child. I can tell from the X-ray that something very traumatic happened to your neck then.”
“Gosh, no, that wasn’t me,” I said. I briefly wondered if he had checked out another patient’s X-ray by mistake.
“But something must have happened,” he insisted. “This is your X-ray, and you’ve got the neck of someone who dove into swimming pool without any water as a child.”
Goose bumps ran up my arms. No, nothing like that had ever occurred, I assured the doctor. Certainly if it had, I would remember. Our discussion moved on, but the doctor continued to look mystified.
That night I called my mother and told her about the conversation, but she assured me there was no accident like that in my past. Still I couldn’t get the doctor’s comments out of my head. Was my mother keeping something from me? Had I been so traumatized by an injury during my childhood that I’d repressed it in my memory?
Sounds like the start of a plot for a suspense novel, doesn’t it? Though I never used the specific details in a book, the experience left me thinking a lot about trauma and the havoc it can sometimes play with memory. I developed a fascination with suspense fiction that features lost memory at the core, and I ended up incorporating that concept in my most recent psychological thriller, Have You Seen Me? (Harper, 2020). Here are 10 of my favorite thrillers with a main character who can’t remember what matters most.
The Bourne Identity
By Robert Ludlum
A bullet-ridden body is fished from the Mediterranean Sea and the victim, who we eventually come to know as Jason Bourne, turns out to be suffering from retrograde amnesia. He soon realizes that several shadowy groups, as well as the CIA, want him dead. As he uses his incredible survival skills to outsmart his enemies, he also tries to piece together the missing details of his past. You can’t do a roundup of thrillers that touch on memory loss without including this classic #1 New York Times bestseller, but since it appeared in 1980, the pacing of thrillers has accelerated and this one sometimes seems a bit slow in comparison. If you want a faster speed, try the turbo-charged movie of the same title, starring Matt Damon, as well as its two sequels. I’m almost embarrassed to admit that I’ve seen each one at least 30 times.
The Pocket Wife
By Susan Crawford
Dana Catrell seems to be the last person who saw her suburban neighbor Celia alive before she was brutally murdered. The police want to know what Dana knows, but she’s in the throes of mania—a result of having gone off her meds for bipolar disorder—and there are huge, terrifying holes in her memory. Is there a murderer in the neighborhood, ready to strike again? Or is the killer in Dana’s own house? The prose in this riveting thriller is as vivid as Dana’s manic moods.
Before I Go to Sleep
S.J. Watson
When Christine wakes up each morning, she has no memory of the day before, the result of a terrible accident. Her husband Ben must explain her life to her all over again. It may take more than a couple of pages to warm up to this novel, in part because you have to go over the same information many times, just like Christine does. But stay with it. Before long you won’t be able to stop turning pages, and as you race to the finish, desperate for the truth to emerge, your heart will be in your mouth.
He’s Gone
By Deb Caletti
Dani Keller’s got a Sunday morning hangover, the result of too much wine the night before. Even worse, she’s not sure where her husband Ian is—or exactly what happened between them on Saturday night. Hours go by, then days, without any sign of Ian, and it becomes frighteningly clear that something very bad has transpired. Dani must not only physically search for Ian, but search her own mind for what she’s long been in denial about. This is an unputdownable domestic thriller about loss, marriage, and the truths we fail to tell ourselves.
The Flight Attendant
By Chris Bohjalian
Flight attendant and binge drinker Cassandra Bowden wakes up one morning during a layover in Dubai to find that the man she’s gone to bed with is lying dead next to her in a still-wet pool of blood. To make matters even worse (ha, how can they be?), she’s experienced an alcoholic blackout and doesn’t remember anything about the night before. Afraid to call local authorities, she manages to connect with her crew and return to her home base in New York City. She still can’t recall what happened and is terrified she might be the killer and that the authorities will soon catch up with her. Trust me, you’ll need to “brace for impact” when you read this stunner of a book, which also manages to be wry and funny. Soon to be an HBO series.
The Darkest Secret
By Alex Marwood
Twelve years ago, Coco Jackson disappeared from the seaside vacation home where her father was celebrating his birthday with a group of fast, loose friends. The one possible witness to what occurred that night is Coco’s identical twin sister, Ruby, but since she was only three and a half at the time, she has no memory of the experience and can’t provide any clues. But now she’s old enough to want answers and so does her stepsister, Mila. This cunning suspense novel is one of my all-time favorites. The twists and revelations are shocking, but they make perfect, brilliant sense in a way that seems to happen less and less in thrillers these days.
The Girl on the Train
By Paula Hawkins
Rachel takes the same commuter train to London each day and passes the time staring into the windows of the houses along the way and imagining the lives of the couples she sees. One day she notices something that seems very wrong, and though she goes to the police, they don’t appear to take her seriously. Rachel decides to investigate herself, but her search for the truth is hampered by the fact that she suffers from alcoholic blackouts and can’t recall key events. You’ve probably read this blockbuster, right? But if not, go for it because it’s a must read for any connoisseur of psychological suspense. I have to admit I guessed the twist within the first quarter of the book, and you might too, but it won’t spoil the pleasure of this read.
The Woman in the Window
By A.J. Finn
Anna Fox, an agoraphobic, lives alone, spending her time not only watching old movies and remembering a happier part of her life, but also keeping tabs–through her window–on what her Manhattan neighbors are up to. One night after a family called the Russells moves in across the street, she witnesses something terrifying in their home and reports it to the police. But no one believes her. As Anna’s personal life begins to unravel even more, it becomes clear that what she saw has put her in grave danger. This twisty, Hitchcockian thriller, soon to be a movie starring Amy Adams and Julianne Moore, isn’t about memory loss per se, but rather what someone can’t bear to recall. You’ll know what I mean once you reach the shocking ending.
Turn of Mind
By Alice LaPlante
When the best friend and neighbor of Dr. Jennifer White’s (no relation, I swear) is murdered, White soon becomes the prime suspect. After all, she’s a doctor and the victim had several fingers surgically removed after death. But White, who tells this story herself, is suffering from dementia and has no memory of whether or not she committed the crime. I almost skipped this book thinking I’d never be able to engage with a central character afflicted with such a heartbreaking disease, but I ended up mesmerized by this truly gripping whodunit.
In the Woods
By Tana French
In the summer of 1984, three children go out to play in the woods near their Dublin suburb, but only one, Rob Ryan, returns—or, rather, he’s found groping a tree in terror, his shoes bloodied. He has absolutely no memory of what happened. Twenty years later, Ryan, now a detective with the Dublin Murder Squad (his superiors know nothing of his history) is assigned to investigate the murder of a young girl in the same woods. Of course, he should immediately ask to be removed from the case, but Ryan sees this as a chance to not only hunt down the killer of the young girl but also shed light on the horrible mystery of his own past. This stunning, atmospheric novel was French’s debut. Read it and you’ll soon be tearing through the other amazing mysteries she’s written since.
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