Your Guide to Dolly Parton's Crime Movies

Last week, we lost the great Dolly Parton. It was a devastating loss. Not only was she the rare figure beloved by all of our divided nation (and beyond), but she was a progressive force promoting values like love, hard work, gratitude, courtesy, humility, and generosity. Born into poverty, she became a star because of her prodigious singing talent, clever songwriting, and her commitment to showmanship, but she became an icon because of her extraordinary wit, her lack of an ego, her refusal to forget where she came from, and her desire to help help others.

She would likely have become a billionaire if she hadn’t given so much of her money away. She was indefatigable in her desire to share her wealth with others. For example… In her home county, Sevier County, in Tennessee, she started the Buddy Program, giving $500 to every kid who finished high school, bringing the dropout rates from  from 35 percent to a mere 6 percent. She created a 35,000-acre sanctuary for bald eagles (a critically endangered species). She founded the Imagination Library, an initiative that sent a book to every child in Sevier County from when they were born until they entered school. As she said, “you can’t get enough books into the hands of enough children.” She funded scholarships, natural disaster relief efforts, donated to hospitals and research initiatives, and in 2020, donated $1 million to coronavirus research to develop a vaccine. She, a devout Christian, set an example by standing up for LGBTQ causes and women’s (especially reproductive) health issues. I mean it when I say… thank God for Dolly Parton.

She was also in movies. Quite a few! Steel Magnolias (1989)! Straight Talk (1992)! And Rhinestone Cowboy (1984), in which Dolly Parton must Eliza-Doolittles tough NYC cabbie Sylvester Stallone into a country music star! Now. Was she in many crime movies? No. It actually seems that “star in crime movies” is the thing she did the least. Are we going to round them up the contenders anyway? You bet we are!

These are not ranked.

Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous (2005)

In this unfortunate sequel to the brilliant Miss Congeniality (that I regard as non-canon), Sandra Bullock’s FBI agent character Grace Hart winds up chasing and tackling someone she believes is a Dolly Parton impersonator, who actually winds up being the real Dolly Parton. It’s not a giant role, but it definitely is a crime movie.

The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas (1982)

The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas!! It’s a musical! Is it a crime movie? I don’t know! It’s got a Sheriff and Burt Reynolds (actually Burt Reynolds as a Sheriff). And, oh, it’s got prostitution AND the argument that it shouldn’t be a crime! So. There you go.

9 to 5 (1980)

You knew this was gonna be on here! 9 to 5 is a delightful comedy about attempted murder and general kidnapping starring Jane Fonda, Dolly Parton, and Lily Tomlin as three female employees of a large company who’ve had enough with their horrible, sexist boss Dabney Coleman.

Frank McKlusky, C.I. (2002)

Ah, Frank McKlusky, C.I., the only reality in which Dolly Parton was ever married to Randy Quaid. In this film from the early aughts which seems to be an Ace Ventura rip-off, Dave Sheridan stars as a fearful insurance investigator whose partner is murdered, and so teams up with a lady investigator to figure out what happened. Randy and Dolly play his parents, a (deceased) former daredevil and a nervous-Nellie (respectively).

The Beverly Hillbillies (1993)

Dolly plays herself in a scene of this remake of The Beverly Hillbillies that is about con artists targeting the Clampetts.