God versus Satan, Good over Evil, Darkness against Light…Chunky or Smooth peanut butter—the battle lines are drawn in our beloved books and movies. The search I took seeking the perfect blend of piety, blood-drenched scripture, and good old classic slapstick took me to angelic heights and soul-sucking lows, only to leave me thirsting for more. I need more wit, more screams, and several more Hail Marys. Amen!
My back story looks like this: I began my pursuit of this twisted narrative cocktail while floating in the middle of the ocean with my seventy-year-old Mormon mother. We happened to be on a cruise to Norway, where my grandfather’s family originated. Luckily for me, once she had tucked herself into bed, stone cold sober at eight o’clock in the evening, this redhead had resources. Besides, I’ve always been drawn to the Irish side of the family.
Between goblets of whiskey, a thought pushed its way to the front of my mind. A delicious image of long puberty killing skirts, sloshing Kool-Aid, and the echo of pseudo cursing (you know, What the Frick?) rolling off the tongues of youthful boys and girls. The exception here was that the youngins had…fangs.
I quickly started to chuckle, which, to the onlookers surrounding a middle-aged gal, chin deep in a Jameson, made nothing but sense. What they, and no one else, knew was the plot twist—I cooked up a good story.
It went like this: The concept came from the question, What would happen if a Mormon missionary became a vampire? The idea, fueled by cheap liquor and jetlag, was a beautiful marriage of reverence, chastity, patriarchy, and humility. Oh, and sprinkle in naughty thoughts, sexuality, and hunger for prey…not pray, and you should see where I’m going here.
With that, Vampire Missionaries was born.
It’s a story of two Mormon lads, thrown into the deep end of Portland, Oregon, who wake up one morning dazed and bloody, sprouting fangs, and if they think too hard about anything else, they sprout something a bit further south of their belts. My Mormon protagonists, Gabe and Luke, fight darkness both inside and out as they wage a war against their maker to save their church and new converts.
But why stop there? My thirst for sin and lust in books of this mixed genre was not quenched. This made me wonder, are there other books that swirl religion, horror, and satirical smartassery? Hmmm, kinda. After all, I was looking for balance. You know, the familiar cross motion over the sternum, drooling demons, but uncontrollable laughter coming out from under the mass chaos. What I found was horror, consistently, and religion. But, the comedy component was variable. Books that focused on horror and religion steered away from levity, where horror-spun-comedy, skipped Jesus. At the end of my search, I decided the best thing to do is compile a list of good reads that are worth checking out. My hope is that the purest, naughtiest, and most sinful reads come forward.
I think most of us can concede that Exorcist, by William Peter Blatty, filled both the religion and horror categories to the maximum. If you don’t know this book, stop reading this right now. We are not friends. Let me just say that it is a story about Regan, the daughter of a successful actress who becomes possessed by a demon, summoning the aid of Catholic priests who sacrifice themselves for her innocent spirit. The book contains copious amounts of blasphemy, putrid vomit, murder, and the swallowing of souls. However, it also includes smatterings of devotion and finding a path back to faith. Forming a spectrum, similar in my mind to the level of heat in Thai food, Exorcist is Horror-Religion on steroids. There are no laughs whatsoever. I rate Exorcist a 10/10 on the scale, as it stays away from humor as if a chuckle was a disease and firmly pushes the reader into religious horror.
Midnight Mass, by F. Paul Wilson, happens to be another favorite of mine. It inches closer to levity with an alcoholic priest, burned by accusations of impropriety, who loses his faith and attachment to a town. But when the vampires take over the world, he finds his calling by becoming their crusader and rallies the masses towards a fight for their church. It ultimately costs him his soul. Turned into a vampire, his faith surpasses darkness, where he can fight off the urge for violence and power, and continue his battle with darkness to save the community that shunned him years before. I love this book for so many reasons. First, it falls well within the religious horror genre, but it is also irreverent. I love the unity of convictions in this book, and the world-building that results when each faith is challenged by vampirism and how they take on the darkness.
Double Dead, Chuck Wendig tips the dial towards comedy-horror, with a disgruntled vampire protagonist who awakens following years of hibernation to find himself in the middle of a zombie apocalypse. There are new life rules he must learn, ranging from who he is allowed to bite, who is allowed to bite him, and the consequences of getting that wrong, which results in mutations to each terrifying race. The protagonist, Coburn, and his rescued pup start out on a selfish mission to feed, but they end up joining a group of human survivors. One of them has the special gift that makes her immune to zombies, but not cancer. Go figure. The story is both gory and hilarious as Coburn transforms into a vampire dog lover who wants to save more than his own skin. There is nothing religious about this book, but if you are into horror-comedy, this one checks all the boxes.
Let’s keep searching for more…
I know. I could go on and on for several pages about the wonderful mix of genres, but I think I have done a good job of narrowing it down. Besides, there are a billion or so books in the world, so this may not top your list. That being said, I would love to hear about more blended horror reads.
Black Sheep, by Rachel Harrison. Now we are getting somewhere. When I was reading this book, I was overtaken by joy. Let me explain. I had a creepy desire to find the author, hold hands with them while running in a field of flowers. The fantasy took over: A jack Mormon, running crazy with an author who writes about Satanic potlucks and being the daughter of Satan. The setup is pure brilliance. It leads in like any other hyper-religious family. You know, casseroles, fake smiles, girls dancing to Taylor Swift, all while getting ready for their wedding. But when I realized the church was satanic worship, I had to read that part over three times. Then—bliss. The protagonist is witty and abrasive as she leads the reader through the twisted genealogy that features Satan as Dad with a plan to end the world. I would say without hesitation that this is religious horror, with slashes of wit and humor.
My search continues…
Camp Damascus, by Chuck Tingle. This is another good read. When Rose, a useless, information-loving girl, starts puking up flies, it becomes crystal clear that there are some issues here. This book blends religion with horror and tosses in elements of humor that I can appreciate. The book is the story of Rose, who experiences a strange, then traumatic series of events, while stalked by a demon wearing a name tag (you read that correctly). This demon is a serious cock-blocker, or I guess it would be vaag-blocker, who gets in the way of her affections for other women and kills off one of her friends. As Rose strengthens her convictions and efforts to recover missing pieces of her memory, she discovers her sexual identity and the strength to fight the demons attached to Camp Damascus campers. I should mention that Camp Damascus is an outdoor conversion therapy camp where Jesus freaks use demons to punish LGBTQIA+ youth. Got all of that? The humor is embedded in awkward comments and resistance to impropriety. I would hashtag this one as #religion-horror-quirky-sarcasm.
When demons sing Tiffany’s 1987 hit, “I Think We’re Alone Now,” It is a good thing. My Best Friend’s Exorcism, by Grady Hendrix, is full of satire and nostalgia. It takes me back to my own childhood at Skate World, mocking ET taglines, and navigating school cliques. Luckily, I dodged the part that included the possession of a best friend and the bad drug trips with a nighttime swim. This book follows Abby and Gretchen, who have a tight bond until a high school sleepover changes everything. What started as a carefree and innocent connection becomes erratic and dark, as Gretchen slips into what is believed to be depression or drug use. Then, suddenly, she is back to “normal” as if nothing had happened. That is, back to normal except for her friendship with Abby. The rapid switch and odd happenings with other students at school force Abby to defy her elders, risking expulsion, and enlisting the help of a muscle-bound bishop. It turns out, her friend needs an exorcism to save her soul. I must admit, I wonder if this book gets any funnier to the 80’s crew, as it features classic nuggets of music and imagery throughout. Regardless, it is clever. It uses a mixture of strict religious upbringing and evil with satirical dynamics. That spells a fun read from where I’m sitting. I do think the muscle-head pastor, with his phrase “demoniac” and “DEFCON2,” brings me immeasurable joy. The exorcism defies tradition by using music to purge the demons. I call this one Religious-Horror-Humor, and a must-read.
Starting with Horror-Religion, perfected by Exorcist, Comedy-Religion is the other side of the pitchfork. Good Omens by Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett delivers this in spades. Their book is a story of an angel, Aziraphale, and a demon (Crowley), who attempt to put a halt to Armageddon, enjoying their life on Earth. The pair appear to have lost the antichrist (Adam), and his hell hound (Dog), who was switched at birth, never filling the shoes of Satan’s son. He grew up in a calm suburban environment, never nurtured as the son of darkness. As forces grow and kick over the first domino, the end of the world is triggered. Adam starts to come into his own but regroups with the help of neighborhood friends, using his newfound greatness to thwart the dark forces’ pursuit of the Apocalypse. The debauchery of the characters reminded me of Fargo. Think about that a moment. This book features a ridiculous web of characters, both good and bad, trying to keep a catastrophe at arm’s length to not derail their own agenda.
That, my friends, is it. The gamut of Horror-Religion, Religion-Horror, with Comedy in between. There is probably more out there that will leave us biting our nails and peeing our pants. Or I’d like to think so. Laughter in the midst of sheer terror is a reader’s roller coaster, and I, for one, am getting back in line for another ride.
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