Which Kind of Martini is Each James Bond?
A drink menu of personality types!
Here at CrimeReads, we ask the important questions. It’s how we’re trained.
This weekend, I rewatched The Living Daylights and was struck (yet again) by the singularity of Timothy Dalton’s James Bond. This prompted a conversation between myself and my partner, comparing the different elements of each Bond. But then we realized… each Bond has a different flavor profile… rather like a martini variation.
I’ve already done a highly biased, very personal, somewhat ridiculous deep dive into the nuances between each Bond film, but I’ve never looked at the differences between each of the individual 007s. So, true to Bond essence, I’m doing it over drinks!
Disclaimer: I don’t know a thing about martinis, but luckily, the gentleman assisting me with this list with me used to be a bartender. So, we’re all in good hands.
What I do know is… there are rules of the James Bond martini: shaken (not stirred). Other than that, we have free reign.
So, we made a menu. Cheers!
Sean Connery
Variety: Classic, up with a twist
Rationale: He’s the original, the gold standard. Smart, strong, smooth, sexy, but still with a little bit of a bite. And don’t forget the twist! (By the way, the twist is that Never Say Never Again gets made!)
George Lazenby
Variety: In and out.
Rationale: Obviously! He’s one and done. On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, we barely knew ye!
Roger Moore
Variety: Dirty with blue cheese olives.
Rationale: There is absolutely nothing serious about Moore’s Bond. Or wholesome. In the later Bond movies, like A View to a Kill, when he’s a million years old and still romancing 20-something-year-olds, he’s just a stinky old man.
Timothy Dalton
Variety: Bone dry.
Rationale: There is almost nothing unserious about Dalton’s Bond. As License to Kill reminds us, this is a Bond who will go off the rails and fully turn a spy caper into a revenge movie. Give this man a drink with an edge.
Pierce Brosnan
Variety: Sweet vermouth.
Rationale: I always feel bad for Pierce Brosnan when I watch his era of James Bond movies, because his vibe is so erudite and sensitive. He delivers a performance far deeper, far wearier, far gentler, even, than these movies deserve. He’s like your friend’s dad who is a Shakespeare lecturer at a nearby university who’s always in the backyard grilling, wearing a “Kiss the Cook,” apron when you come over, and then reading William Blake in his study until he drives you home. He’s just a nice man! He just wants to read! Let him sip a gentle drink and bury his head in his books!
Daniel Craig
Variety: Actually… he’s a vesper.
Rationale: Think about it!
Olivia Rutigliano and John Buffalo Mailer
Olivia Rutigliano is an Editor at Lit Hub and CrimeReads, and a book editor at their parent company Grove Atlantic. Her other work appears in Vanity Fair, Vulture, Lapham's Quarterly, the Los Angeles Review of Books, Public Books, The Baffler, Bright Wall/Dark Room, Politics/Letters, The Toast, Truly Adventurous, PBS Television, and elsewhere. She has a PhD from the departments of English/comparative literature and theatre at Columbia University, where she was the Marion E. Ponsford fellow. She hosts the segment "Culture Schlock" of the Lit Hub Podcast. She is on instagram at @oldebean, twitter at @oldrutigliano, and bluesky at @oliviarutigliano.bsky.social.
John Buffalo Mailer is a New York based, award-winning producer, screenwriter, journalist, playwright, actor, and editor.
Hr has been Executive Editor for High Times Magazine, Editorial Director for Tar Magazine,
and Editor-At-Large for Stop Smiling. His writing has appeared in Playboy, New York Magazine, Inked Magazine, ESPN, Provincetown Arts, Lid, Corriera De La Sera, The Norman Mailer Review, The American Conservative, Art Forum, Vector, and others. As a screenwriter, actor, and producer, he has made more than 20 movies, including Oliver Stone’s Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps Matthew Barney’s River of Fundament, and Blind with Demi Moore and Alec Baldwin. He is Executive Producer for How to Come Alive with Norman Mailer, a feature documentary directed by Emmy Award-Winner Jeff Zimbalist (Remastered) and produced by Emmy-Award winner Vicki Marquette (Road Runner: A Film About Anthony Bourdain), released by Kino Lorber/Zeitgeist in 2024. Variety and Men’s Journal both listed How to Come Alive as one of the 10 best documentaries of 2024.
